15

15

This must’ve been the hotspot years ago, I decided as I watched a group of older boys throw a Frisbee around a larger open patch of grass. Smiling, my feet moved without being told, and I dumbly navigated through this new environment. There were woods behind the little park, and a baseball field to the right. I opened my arms to it all and took a deep breath of night air. Montana slid his hand around my waist and I immediately wrapped my arms around his straying hands.

     I blushed in spite of myself and turned to face him. He smiled too, communicating something so hard to be said in words. I let my hand fall limply to my side as Montana hurried off to play Frisbee with the older boys, his boyish side taking the reigns for now. Rosalie made her way over to me, her short brown hair tied neatly into a ponytail behind her head. It flounced lazily as she strolled towards me.

     “He left you too, huh?” She smiled.

      I nodded and then shrugged, “That’s okay.” I had a feeling this wouldn’t be the only time we would be together tonight. My body was feeling anxious and nervous all at the same time. I was aching for something.

Rosalie flopped down into the dew-covered grass and crossed her legs contently. I slid into place next to her and watched Montana bashfully, glancing at him now and then, often finding his eyes back on me. I couldn’t help but swell with love. Maybe a person would understand if she could be me just for one moment, but right now, it was too hard to even begin to explain this feeling.

     The boys suddenly turned violent and began a game of ultimate Frisbee--even with me groaning and sighing, and trying everything in my girlish power to stop them. The game started and I watched them dart and flit across the slick grass, laughing and tumbling into each other upon every ‘hut hut hike’.

    The dark had fully settled in now. It had thrown its blanket across us like a mother tucks her child in for bed. Though, instead of feeling safe and comforted, my whole body felt tight and uneasy. The dark was taking hold and I couldn’t shake free. It was pulling me under and I couldn’t resurface.

    And yet…

    As I caught Montana’s eye again, something flashed and I felt my chest tighten. Everything fell away and for a fraction of a second, there was us.

    And it was beautiful.

    I melted further into the grass, pulling my knees to my chest and sighed dreamily. Rosalie relaxed her posture and watched Tennessee losing interest in the game quickly. We started chatting idly about the game, and stupid boys with their stupid Y-chromosomes. It felt good. I felt good. I felt something I hadn’t felt in weeks.

    I felt…whole.

    “Avery!” A shout came from across the park and I looked up, my face in a tight grin.

    “Avery! Look what Montana’s doing!” It was one of the freshmen, his whiny voice high and grating.

    As instructed, I searched the bodies for Montana’s. However, it didn’t take long, because I found him dashing about the other players…wearing only his boxers.

     I rolled my eyes and cupped my hands over my mouth, “Montana! Stop it!” I waited for him to look at me, but he only scurried on. “Montana! Put your clothes back on!”

     Suddenly, I saw him reaching. I tried to stop him, but it came in the form of grabbing Rosalie’s arm and laughing loudly. Montana happily pulled off his boxers and raced on, leaving them lying sadly in the wet grass. I covered my eyes, the giggles gone. I did not want to see Montana like…like…that! I mean…naked! My face burned red as I groveled for Rosalie.

    “Is he still…?” My voice was pinched.

    She snorted, trying to get her words out through the laughter, “Yes! Oh god, he—ha-ha—he’s got a balloon!”

    I raised my eyebrow behind my hand and then cracked my fingers to see through.  
Sure enough, Montana had—don’t ask me where—found a single white balloon, complete with string and had taken the liberty of fastening it to himself. Needless to say, it wasn’t on his arm or leg. I stood up, throwing my hands over my mouth and laughing.
“Montana!” I shouted, switching my hands from my mouth to my eyes as he turned towards me. “Never mind!” I laughed back, waving one of my hands in front of me.

Tennessee, shaking with laughter, made his way over to us and sat down beside Rosalie, taking her hand in his monstrous palm. She smiled and scooted closer. I sighed as my boyfriend continued to hunt for other things to tie to his hoo-ha, or maybe for his clothes that he had thrown everywhere in the field.

    After much reluctance, Montana put his clothes back on. Luckily, I couldn’t see anything—although, his long, skinny, tanned torso was making it very hard for me to sit up straight and listen to Rosalie’s story beside me. Montana wiggled into his shorts just as I spotted him and I blushed and turned away. Surely entertained by this, he hurried over to me and slid into the grass.

I smiled sheepishly at him glad he was clothed again. He pulled on his t-shirt and moved subtly closer to me. Grinning, I waited for him to snatch up my hand. He kissed my cheek gently, his lips lingering there for a moment before he pulled away and smiled at me.

     Rosalie bounded up beside me and tugged me away from the field. We nearly collapsed with laughter on the way back to the cabin, but we managed to get back safely. I stepped inside the tiny room and immediately felt tired. Though, it was a good tired. The kind of tired that makes sure a smile stays on your face.

     As Rosalie headed for the bathroom, I touched my cheek wistfully. I heard Cora outside, talking to Tyler, one of the boys in my grade she was going after. I sighed and listened to the sound of other people returning. Gravel crunched as there was a knock at the door. My heart jumped as I sat up and hurried to the door.

     Tennessee stood, hovering above me. He poked his head in, searching the room as he talked. “Montana says come on over if you want. We just kicked Drew out, he was getting annoying.” His eyes searched on.

     I blushed, “Uhm…” It took everything in me to contain from shaking, “Yeah. I’ll bring Rosalie too.”

    That was good enough for him, “Alright.” He pulled his head out of our room and let the door slam behind him.

Rosalie emerged, hair re-done and make-up re-applied just as Tennessee left. I fell back onto the bed, my anxiousness and nervousness falling on top of me.

    “Was that Tennessee?” She asked, touching her hair gingerly as she checked her reflection.

    “Yep,” I said simply. It took me more time to extend the invitation out to her. “So, they want us to go down there.”

     Rose smiled broadly, pulling me into a sitting position, “Well?!” Her smile somehow managed to widen. “Let’s go!” She pushed her way out the door and I headed along, my butterflies beginning to choke me.

     The boys’ room was fully lit, the TV blaring happily about the sunshine that was sure to come tomorrow. Tennessee called that he’d be out of the bathroom in a minute. I glanced at the bed furthest from the door, finding Montana looking right back.

     I stepped forward as he motioned for me. A childish part of me wiggled its way to the surface as I smirked at Montana and sat down in front of the TV, my body suddenly remembering how to flirt. He gave me a playful look as he slipped his hands behind his shaggy head. Rosalie sat down daintily on the next bed, tossing her legs one on top of the other. Tennessee entered grandly stage left, taking three long strides before collapsing into the bed. Rose giggled and immediately pulled him over to her. Trying to be slick, I looked over my shoulder at Montana, that flirting piece of me sending signals to my brain. Finally taking the bait, Montana eased off the spring-mattress and seated himself next to me.

     The door creaked open and let in the end of a story, “…and that’s how I broke my ankle,” Cora finished as Tyler—who wasn’t interested, but sure could put on a good show—held the door for her. As she walked through, Tyler came and sat next to me on the floor.

      She looked Montana and I sprawled across the rough carpet, then up to Rose and Tennessee wrestling against the sheets. Tyler grumbled after watching the two roll and twist around each other, laughing and fighting, “Thanks for taking my spot, Rosalie.”

       Cora chattered on and I felt Montana brush my hand. Her talking fell away as I turned slightly to look at him, his brown eyes burning. I blushed, my whole body feeling hot. He stroked each one of my fingers, watching my face all the while. I swallowed and tried to act brave and…sexy. Unfortunately, my body couldn’t find that little part of me.

      Neither of those seeming to push through Montana’s beautiful shield made of past experiences and pheromones, he smirked at me and pulled me closer.

      “Tyler, can you get the lights for me?” Montana’s voice became impossibly smoother and slid past me, making my fingers and toes tingle.

      Slightly confused, or perhaps annoyed, Tyler did the favor and sat back down. I heard him start talking with Cora, but the sound of smacking caught my attention. My eyes slowly adjusted and I looked over at where two shadowy figures had taken the place of Rosalie and Tennessee. Miraculously, they had become one shrouded figure, melting into the bed sheets.

        My attention swung to Montana as he suddenly grabbed my wrist, pulling me on top of him all in one fluid motion. Quite impressed, I sat happily on his hips. I knew my emotions weren’t functioning properly as I smiled down at him. Now would be one of those times where I should be shaking and breathing shallow.

       Oh, body, please don’t ruin this moment for me!

      Despite the darkened room, the glow of the television caught his teeth and I watched him smile as he touched my arm gently.

      If he was trying to relax me, he was doing a pretty good job. That was, until he slid his hand up my leg, his fingertips brushing against my pockets.

       Alright, body, now you can go ahead and panic.

`My body flipped its ‘go nuts’ switch on and I prayed he couldn’t feel my body tighten above him.

       I leaned down, a sudden fountain of courage springing from my body and pushing my actions forward. Before I could close the gap between us, Montana pushed his lips onto mine, his body tilting towards me, trying to help us fit together they way we did so perfectly. Happiness flushed my cheeks as I leaned into our kiss, deepening it.

Just as Montana laced his fingers into my hair I heard a frustrated groan.

“Ugh, I can’t stay in here anymore.” In the dark, the screen glowing brightly, Cora rose and waited for Tyler.

I froze, embarrassed and wondering if they could see me. The two flipped off the television and padded quietly out of the room, even catching the door before it slammed. It must’ve been late, and people must’ve been in bed.

Darkness settled in, and like so many times before, an indescribable feeling fell down around me. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but darkness stirred me, and often, drove me crazy. This time was definitely no exception. I felt tired and awake at the same time, exhausted and rejuvenated. I felt like I wanted to lay down and never get up, and yet I wanted to run everywhere. My body felt like my spirit was beginning to drift away, so I subtly clung more to Montana.

Seeming annoyed by our lack of contact, Montana wrapped his hand around my wrist and pulled me towards him. I loved kissing him. I loved him kissing me. I loved it when we kissed.

Like earlier in the park, everything began to fall away. My body was warming up, my shirt clinging to me beneath my bulky sweat shirt. We pulled apart, Montana licking his lips as he clung to the back of my neck. The only sound in the room was the silence of the night and slightly labored breathing.

I pulled a breath in, trapped in the moment between us. The room was black, but his eyes were dancing. I touched his face softly, realizing even more how beautiful he was.

His almond hair was shaggy and tasseled. And lovely as they were, his eyes were suddenly full of conflict. I brushed hair away from his tanned, damp forehead and watched him fight with something inside. His turmoil was perfect as he slid his hands around my hips, adjusting me to his liking.

Stop thinking, Montana! I wanted to scream. I love you. I love you and I’m not just some little girl. I know I don’t exactly know what I’m doing, but whatever I’m doing, I want to be doing it with you! Do you understand you crazy, beautiful, over-analyzing boy?

I knew then as I watched his eyes grow steadily more conflicted, I couldn’t wait for him to decide his actions. My body was on fire, and I was tired of being the same old me, some innocent, princess of a girl who only dreamed of silly romantic things. That’s what I seemed to be around my friends and family. Right now, I needed Montana to see me as something different. I needed him to look up and see me as Avery. See Avery, not that ridiculous fool of a girl who thought herself in love. I needed Montana to see that. I had to make him see that.

I slapped my hands against the floor beneath him and pushed against his hardened body, my every curve seeming to match his. Our lips mashed together, and my force seemed to take him by surprise as I felt him begin to lift away. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let him go. I wanted him to pull me closer, there had to be a part of me that wasn’t touching his damp, fragrant skin.

Can you see now, Montana? It’s me, Avery. I’m here. Please don’t be scared. It’s all just new pieces of me…I had to show you. You still love me, right?

My lips wanted more just as I did and through the dark, my lips found his again. I fought the familiar darkness, filling all my senses with Montana instead.

I smelt his boyish smell, like grass and wood mixed with an ever-present cologne. I heard him pull away from me, whispering my name in the silkiest voice I’d ever imagined possible. I opened my eyes to my name and saw his eyes flutter, incased in long dark lashes that reached for his russet hair, sticking to his moist forehead. His taste seemed to overtake all my senses for a moment as he brushed his tongue against mine. I opened my mouth to gasp, but only breathed him in more.

        And the touch…

        His fingertips were pressed only lightly against my back at first, but then suddenly he was grabbing me. I felt him pull, push, tug me ever closer to him. He felt the distance between us, and he wanted it to disappear.

       I think I’m going to melt…

      Something in me told me to be afraid, but his strength only enticed me more. I wanted him to need me the way I needed him. I wish I could have held him back the way he held me. Just as I grabbed a handful of his shirt, he sat up, keeping his lips close to mine, only stopping to kiss my neck quickly. I shuddered, feeling his hand slide down my side.

        Gently but still hungrily, he pushed me against the floor, suddenly hovering over me.

      He breathed my name, his hot breath pushing my curls away from my face. My voice escaped me as I tried to whisper back.

        As he began to slide my sweatshirt away from my stomach, my morals slapped me into reality. I really gasped this time, pushing my hands into Montana’s chest. My eyes flooded with panic, they began to sting as Montana looked down at me, confused.

       “Avery, are you alright?” One hand stayed on my stomach, but the other fled to my face, touching it gingerly, “Did I do something wrong?”

         I’m scared. I’ve never been scared like this before.

         I waited for my morals to give me the right answer, but they’d left as quickly as they came. Some help they were…

        “No.” I managed, “I-I’m…okay.”

       He slowly nodded and leaned down to kiss me sweetly once, twice, and then the passion was back as I leaned into him.

          Okay, body. Just this once, don’t be so scared. Trust me. I trust him.

         Montana hesitated at the bottom of my sweatshirt, wanting an okay this time. So I gave him one. I reached down and yanked my sweatshirt over my head, the chill of the night quickly nipping at me. Remedying the problem, I wrapped my arms around Montana and pressed myself against him.

          He kissed my jaw line, pressing his nose close to the nape of my neck and slowly began to kiss my throat, seeming quite happy with himself as I let out a quiet sound of surprise. He slid his hands down my back, feeling every bump and indention, savoring it beneath his fingers. Montana’s lips followed his hands and he kissed his way down to my collarbone. My face grew impossibly redder as he pressed his lips just above my bellybutton.

         My body was betraying me now, and I was shivering. This time I wasn’t sure what from. Montana moved further down, his lips brushing my skin. I gasped as his lips hit the button of my shorts. I sat up abruptly.

        “What is it?” He whispered into the dark.

          I tried to speak but my throat was dry. I swished the tiny amount of salvia I had around in my mouth and swallowed, “Nothing. I’m just…chilly.”

          Montana watched me warily, “You know I said I wouldn’t unless you wanted me to.”

         I blushed at the thought. Up to this point, Montana was good at keeping his word. It was just new, slightly terrifying territory for me. My brain scrambled for something to defend myself with, but finding nothing, I looked away.

         Montana stared at me in the dark, “We can stop,” He whispered.

        I fumbled for his hand and slid mine over his, “Just for tonight.”

       He smirked and pulled me towards him, embracing me. He was warm and beginning to soften against me. Montana had this way of making all of my emotions and feelings fit just perfectly with mine. We stayed close to each other for a while before hearing movement from the bed to our right. Rosalie let out a delicate yawn and stretched a little bit. I smiled and looked at the clock.

        “Oh my God!” I let out a loud whisper, “Rose and I have to go back to our room, someone is totally going to bust us.”

          Montana chuckled and kissed me, “I doubt it. But it’s late, and we have to be up early. Get some sleep.”

          I kissed him again, leaning into it and feeling that melting feeling again. I pulled away before he left me all over the little motel room floor. I touched his face delicately and stood, heading to wake Rosalie up. I laughed at Tennessee’s muffled snores and Rosalie nearly pushing him off the bed. I shook her softly, pulling on her wrist.

          “C’mon, babe. Let’s head back to our room.”

          She groaned and sat up, her hair jutting out in numerous directions. I smiled at her like she was a little girl of my own, “Come on. Up and ’attem.” I helped her from the bed and she stumbled back towards our room. I heard the screen door creak open. 
          Shyly, I took a step towards Montana. The door slammed. I cursed Rose in my head and hurried to slip a Montana a kiss before rushing from his room like Cinderella from the ball.

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14

As we traveled further into the country, the trees become sparser, and the sun beginning to set, the radio started getting fuzzy. The popular hip-hop songs were quickly turning into news shows as we whizzed down the long stretch of high way. As we kept on our long journey, all my sense heightened instead of fading into a sleepy haze.

Cora was out in the passenger seat, her head lolled and her mouth hanging open. I snorted as I glanced at her, finishing my game of rock, paper, scissors with Rose…for the twentieth time. Gabby looked over, a evil gleam flashing in her eyes.

Slowly and carefully, she drifted into the divots in the side of road, the tires groaning and giving a strange ripping sound as the bumped over the tiny slits.

As Cora jumped awake, Rosalie and I erupted into laughter. We both doubled over, holding our sides and shaking with laughter.

She whipped around after yelling at Gabby, “Oh, you think that’s funny?” She snapped at us.

I stopped laughing and looked at Rosalie, she mirrored my blank expression. I turned back to Cora in all seriousness.

“…Yes!”

I busted into laughter again as she huffed back to her seat, growling and muttering. Rosalie and I managed to calm ourselves down as Gabby sat in the drivers seat, smiling triumphantly. I’m sure our laughter egged her on.

After the sun had almost set completely, we saw the head of the line pull off the highway. We followed suit and found ourselves at a dinky gas station in the middle of nowhere. All the boys danced excitedly outside the cars, their energy bouncing everywhere.

Mental note: don’t ever trap teenage boys in a car for three hours.

I slouched against the car, my energy cleverly disguised in my nonchalance. Suddenly, I felt arms around me. I perked up immediately.

“Montana!” I squealed.

He smiled at me; proceeding to give me a quick kiss to tied me over for the next thirty seconds.

I flung my arms around him, all nonchalance gone. “How’s your ride been? We’ve basically been torturing Cora the whole ride,” I grinned up at him.

“Your car is much more interesting than ours,” He shot a look at his disgruntled group of passengers milling about the forest-green Saturn. They leaned lazily this way and that, a few yawning, a few stretching. I smiled. “They’ve been sleeping.”

I poked his rips, trying to tickle him, “Oh, and you haven’t?” I ruffled his bed head hair, well, in this case, car head hair. He slipped me another quick kiss as Braydon emerged from the convenience store and beckoned everyone back to the car. I growled silently in my head.

Go back inside! Ugh. Why couldn’t you spend another day or so in the gas station?

I sighed as I watched him stride back to the car and slide in gracefully, as usual. I shuddered at how people saw me next to him.

I must look like an overweight grizzly bear…

Everyone climbed back into the cars and started again. We drove for a tiny stretch of deserted highway before a flashing billboard appeared from practically out of nowhere.

“Did you see that?” Rosalie snorted.

I nodded, a little confused. “That was random.”

Suddenly, another flashed by advertising some elderly couple that sang for dinner shows at a casino. We both looked at each other, our faces mirroring confusion. Soon, the signs were flicking past like highway markers.

      Rosalie grabbed my arm, “Avery! Look at this one!”

      I threw my eyes out the window as the hooked onto a severely bright, flashing, twirling mess of a sign. A foreign man waved a flaming stick of dynamite proudly, advertising his fireworks show. His grin made me explode into laughter as I flopped over onto Rosalie.

      “Yakov?” She inquired through giggles.

      I nodded through tears, trying to regain myself. Honestly, it wasn’t that funny, but something about it tickled me in just the right way.

      “Yakov!” Rosalie’s voice was marinated in a think Russian accent. She went on babbling random words until my sides were completely split, and I was slapping her until she would stop.

      I crawled off her lap and leaned against my own window, the cool glass feeling good on my reddened face. I closed my eyes for a second, finally feeling tiredness wash over me. It felt almost good to be sleepy. After all, the faster I went to sleep, the faster I could see Montana, and the faster I could get my whole schedule back on track.

      I sucked in a deep breath and opened my eyes, finding Rosalie bickering with Gabby about the radio station.

“Change it!”

“Hey, I’m the driver here. Don’t mutiny or something.”

I smiled, feeling a little bit better.

“Okay, well, I don’t like country!”

“That’s all that’s on out here! And I do like country!”

I closed my eyes again, my body still warm with laughter. I peeked to find that we were onto smaller roads, slowly creeping upwards. I watched forests then fields go by. They switched before a tiny town would come into view. It would flash by after I blinked, making me doubt my sanity as more woods appeared.

“It’s hot in here,” Rosalie complained, rolling down her window.

A quick chill dashed through her window and hit me in the back of the head. I shivered involuntarily and gazed out at the rocky hills passing by us in a hurry. Following suit, I decided to roll down my window and stick my head out. The cold nipped at my ears and my nose and I yanked them back in, cupping my hands around each for a moment.

Rose’s head was still gangling out the window as she smiled into the darkness surrounding the tiny car. A new song came on and Rosalie excitedly pulled her head back into the car, “Oh! Oh! Turn it up!”

She sang loudly as she stuck her head back out the window and gulped in the night air as if it were cool, refreshing water. I stuck my head out, too, reluctant at first. But then, the longer I kept it out, the more the air seemed to be warm. A trick of the mind, I assumed. The upbeat song continued to pulsate through the car as Cora slept in the passenger seat. I was personally amazed, because with Gabby singing next to her, I had no idea how she could still be asleep.

      I sighed contentedly, and leaned further back into my seat, pulling my seat belt away from me. The night sky flew past at a terrifying speed as we curled around a road twisting between trees and rocky cliffs. Gabby sang happily along with the radio as Cora stirred and turned to the other side, drifting back to sleep. Rosalie stuck her head back out the window, the cold wind whipping her hair behind her face.

      I stuck my face out as well, the chill harassing my face the minute I showed it to the night. I tried to let out an excited squeal, but the air jumped into my throat too fast and soon I was gulping down the cold air in greedy mouthfuls. Yanking our heads back in at the same time, Rosalie and I laughed together for no real reason. Sometimes it just feels good to laugh.

      A small town putted into view as I stared out the window. It was picture perfect. We drove past a few hotels, some very unappealing, but others what I wished were staying in. As the train came to a halt, we had pulled into a motel that was more or less perfect. Sure, it wasn’t the Holiday Inn, but it was brilliant. I busted into a grin and hopped excitedly from the car. Lennon had already claimed his cabin, and told everyone to meet him there in ten minutes.

      The girls grabbed all there things from Gabby’s car, and I was pushed along into our room without a second glance. Gabby flicked on the lights, and I smiled even wider.

      The room was tiny, but it somehow managed to fit two beds inside, plus an air conditioner and a small closet. We all explored happily, though Gabby and Cora were having trouble adjusting. I strolled into the bathroom, and made loops through the room. I looked at all of them, then at the beds. I picked my target and jumped.

      “Dibs on this side of the bed!”

      Rosalie bounded next to me, “Oh! This side is mine!”

      Gabby and Cora looked at each other disapprovingly and took their spots next to each other on the other bed. I high-fived Rosalie and then began to dig through my stuff before we all headed over to Coach’s cabin.

      Boys filed through the stream of light, and we were clearly late as Coach Lennon had already started talking, and every boy looked in our direction as we entered. I plopped down on the Berber carpet Indian style and smiled up at Coach’s five o’clock shadow.

      “Alright, so we’ll leave for the river at about seven tomorrow morning. That means we’ll be on the river at about seven thirty,” He made sure to make eye contact with each person, his game face constant.

      I glanced to Montana and Jacob, sitting on the bed furthest from the door. I tried to smile, but Jacob’s cold expression was a harsh reminder of how this weekend was going to be. Coach went on to talk about canoe assignments. Rosalie grabbed me up quick, and Cora and Gabby were reluctant to agree to canoe together, but in the end they had no choice.

      Coach Lennon looked down at me, then behind me at Rosalie, “Black, Steward. You two will be their guardians.” His stumpy fingers pointed at Rose and I.

      The first thing I felt was annoyance at Lennon’s pig-headedness, but then I realized who our guardians were. I pinched my eyes shut and grumbled, pulling up knees to my chest, sure Jacob was doing quite the same.

      I don’t get you, Jacob! Why can’t you see how happy he makes me?

      As the meeting adjourned, we were released with the only warning that we would be getting up early to go to the river. My stomach twisted into knots as Montana slipped past me, brushing against me ever so slightly. Tennessee pulled Rose along to show off his room. I swallowed hard and followed them, gathering all the courage I could muster.

      We viewed the room, somehow magically identical to ours except covered in boy paraphernalia, and then came back outside to enjoy the spring air. I plopped down next to Montana on the concrete. I wanted to kiss him, right here in the open, with everyone watching. It didn’t matter to me anymore. I was so sick of all these self-assured people doing what they felt because everyone thought it was okay.

      Why was it not okay for me to be happy? So many nights I’d lie awake trying to solve this riddle. Right about now, I was fed up.

      Montana took my hand and pulled me closer, his smile growing like mine. I laid my head against his shoulder and admired the other side of the motel. This place was simply peaceful. I could’ve sat for hours like this, with Montana next to me, and Rosalie and Tennessee close behind. Hours could have passed without care…

      “Monta—”

      I looked up to see Jacob’s pleasantly round face, his jawbones beginning to mature and protrude now. Sometimes he could look so grown up. I’d known him since he was little, and since he had been awkward and silly. Now he was different. He wasn’t my Jacob anymore. He was a different, off brand.

But, he was smiling, which looked odd to me, since I hadn’t seen him smile since nearly last winter. He didn’t notice me at first, but as soon as he did, his face fell into an unbefitting frown. My eyes pricked with tears, but I clung tighter to Montana’s side.

      “Yeah?” Montana’s voice was blank.

      Jake stood for a moment, just staring down at us, “Never mind.”

      And with that, he walked away.

I closed my eyes and tried to fight the dark, but it quickly swarmed me and pulled me under. I tried hard to breathe normally, but my breath was becoming ragged. I gripped for happiness, and Montana flinched as I grabbed his arm a little tighter.

He gave me a look; slight confusion that mingled with a beautifully childish fear. I buried my pain deep inside and smiled at him, the most beautiful smile I could manage, and gave him a quick kiss, my heart beginning to beat faster again. Rosalie and Tennessee laughed behind me, and my tiny pinch of what had become fleeting reality faded away with Jacob’s footsteps.

Buzz and Braydon walked briskly to where we were sitting and stood boldly over us. They both gave off an air that, no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t help but be attracted to them, or give into their charm.

I did my best to smile, and Montana reacted happily upon seeing his stunning older brother.

“We’re going down to the park. We’re leaving in five minutes for those who don’t know where it is,” His tone dripped with suave as he kept his face straight; Buzz being a stunt double next to him.

Montana nodded, still smiling, and stood, pulling me up next to him. I wanted to whine, but I decided a walk would do me some good. Tennessee noticed this advance and did the same with Rosalie. Braydon and Buzz started off, meeting up with a few other seniors at the bend in the street and then they disappeared from sight.

Montana let go of my hand and began to knock on cabin doors, alerting people on the plan. Some younger people stumbled out of their cabins, excited for the trip, and others stayed cooped up, watching the three channels that we actually got out here.

I waited hesitantly for Cora to come out of the cabin, which she finally did, and she met up with Rosalie and I, interlocking our arms and grinning. Our group departed, only leaving a few stragglers behind. Tennessee and Montana led the way, followed eagerly by a handful of mixed swimmers and divers and waterpoloers. The girls brought up the rear, naturally.

We pulled away from the motel parking lot and made our way down a tiny partially paved road until we came to a dully lit four way intersection, harboring one of the three stop lights in the town. We took a right there, and a left here, and another left here and there, and suddenly a gravel walkway came into view, surrounded by flourishing green grass. I grinned upon seeing the rusted metal gate, and happily hopped over it to enter the makeshift park.

13

School was draining quickly. It swirled around the drain, creating a whirlpool of things hitting me at once. I held fast to Montana, keeping myself steady until the night when we could finally spend time alone.

I was hooked now.

My efforts to keep away had failed. I could barely spend one night without him. I practically bounded out of bed to get to school to see him. I even panicked if he was late to math. He was my drug, and I couldn’t seem to stop.

Despite all this, I found slight release in Rosalie. She was my beacon of hope. When I got frustrated at Montana, or worried over something I wanted to tell him, she would back me up. She was there, miraculously, every time I needed her. I couldn’t even comprehend.

And now I had a whole new game to play.

Love was tugging at my every heart sting, and it was a very talented musician. Somehow I would do anything Montana asked. Simple, tiny things, I would oblige. And to answer the ultimate question: yes, if he asked me to jump off a bridge, I would do it. I loved him. I loved him. Something about the word made my whole body quiver and my head start to spin.

Montana black was love.

I melted under his touch. I could barely keep it together when we would walk down the hallway. The sun seemed to radiate from my body as I pushed past the crowds blocking every section of the hall. My glow hardly even faded when I saw Lilah and Wendy these days. Sometimes, when I saw Lilah shoot me a concerned look, my façade would falter and I would seem to fall from grace. But hurriedly, Montana would take my hand once more and I could climb as high as I wanted to and never look back.

“Avery,” Montana poked me in the side, “Pssst!”

I tried to work out another math problem, soon failing miserably. “What?”

He grinned, “Guess what this weekend is.”

I went back to my homework, annoyed that he made me stop for something as trivial as dates. I erased heavily, nearly ripping my paper. I hated math. I hated math. I could say it a million times and the true burning hatred would still be there.

I hate math! Ugh.

His fingers fluttered against my arm, and then in a quick motion, he nonchalantly grabbed my leg, making me snap to attention. My face went hot as I glanced around the room, finding everyone milling about and chattering idly with their classmates.

I glowered at him and he gave me a crooked smile.

“Guess.”

I rolled my eyes, “What was even the question?”

“Guess what this weekend is,” His tone rang with glee.

My eyes flitted to the calendar, “The twenty-fifth and twenty-sixth.”

Montana wiggled a little, his child-like face beaming. He grabbed my hand away from my desecrated paper, “The float trip! How could you forget?”

My stomach fluttered, “Oh. Yeah.”

The float trip. How could I have forgotten? Wow.

We both sat lost in thought a moment, and I let my mind wander to places it shouldn’t have gone. But, I quickly reined it back to appropriate subjects worth discussing. Three days in Arkansas…the middle of nowhere, Arkansas to be exact. And yet…

I glanced at Montana, turned to look at the boy behind him.

My heart jumped suddenly and my face filled with color.

Think of normal things, Avery! Like…canoeing! And getting to drive four hours with Rosalie, Cora, and her older sister!

I smiled brightly and pulled Montana back to face me, his beautiful face slightly pink.

“You’re going to love it.”

You have no idea, I wondered to myself, my thoughts straying to the trip and who knows what it would bring.

“Call me when you stop. Actually, call me before you leave Coach Lennon’s house. No, actually, call me when you—”

“Ma,” I protested, trying to get out the door.

Needless to say, my father deals with goodbyes a lot easier. All he demanded was a full rundown when I got back, and famous hug to last him the weekend.

She sucked in a big breath, the bags under her eyes magnified by her these-would-have-been-trendy-10-years-ago glasses. I couldn’t help but smile at her worried expression. I set down my bag and grabbed her, embracing her tightly. It was funny how even after a day of not seeing each other my mother and I had this mutual understand of how much we missed each other.

I grabbed my bag and raced out the front door, squealing as my feet hit the pavement and Cora flung her arms around my neck. She beamed at me, and her older sister, Gabby, grabbed my bag and tossed it into the back seat.

Cora giggled and rushed to the front of the car, sliding into the passenger seat and turning around to throw an excited look in me and Rose’s direction. She whipped back around as we pulled out of the driveway and headed for Coach Lennon’s house. Gabby began lecturing us over the rules of the car as Rosalie and I clasped eager hands and looked out the window, watching the road fly by.

A parade of cars was parked outside of Lennon’s house, and I couldn’t help but get even more excited when I saw Braydon’s car outside. I punched my fist in the air and darted over the cool grass past boys playing football and others just darting about to get rid of energy before the long trip.

My phone buzzed—Montana asking me if I was here yet—just as I got in the door. I saw him sitting on the couch with Tennessee and a couple of other boys on the team. I flounced over to the couch, sitting in front of it, as Tennessee tried to make room for Rose to no avail. I patted the spot next to me, but she took a spot closer to Tennessee instead. I sighed and pulled my knees to my chest, watching public television and listening to the adults in the next room.

I peeked over my shoulder to see Montana staring blankly at the TV; his body tense and straight. My posture immediately tightened with worry.

No, no. This weekend was supposed to be us. Yes, of course you can pal around with your friend, I don’t care, I’m going to do it too! But, please, don’t let things end this way. Not until I can explain to you how much I love you…

Coach Lennon and the other parents bustled in, drawing my attention away from Montana. I shook my head as Lennon began to lecture us on proper behavior and how we’re representing our school, and all that fun stuff. Next to me, Rosalie was bubbling with excitement. I glanced to Cora who was pining after several of the boys in the room, her gaze flitting from one to the other. I sighed and watched Gabby leaning lazily against a column. My face broke into a smile as I realized what fun this trip was really going to be.

After the very brief goodbyes, and after rides were all arranged the four of us piled into Gabby’s Civic and filed into the procession of cars going to the highway.

Cora peeked over her shoulder, “There’s snacks back there, and there’s some more food up here if you want it. Gabby said that we’re going to stop eventually,” She shrugged, “Well, eat up! There’s plenty!”

Gabby talked loudly to Cora as she turned up the radio. I turned to Rosalie, kicking myself for not bringing my iPod with me. Rosalie played with her seatbelt almost awkwardly. I raised an eyebrow.

“Are you as excited as I am?” I offered.

She let go of the fraying belt and nodded eagerly, “Oh yeah, I mean, I can’t wait! I wonder what we’ll do.”

I snickered, “Well, it’s a hick-town…with like, forty people.”

We were suddenly both quiet for a minute.

I wondered if she was as nervous as I was. Sure, Montana and I had been alone before…but never like this.

She slapped my arm, “Hey, let’s color!”

A plethora of coloring utensils fell from a bag Rose dumped into the seat. I squealed with joy and snatched some up, my mind immediately falling blank when I touched the colors to the page.

I stared at the page for a minute or two, trying to figure out what to draw. I searched everywhere for inspirations. Rosalie scribbled diligently on her side of the back seat while I sat motionlessly, frowning with concentration.

All right, Avery. Here is where your creative gene comes into play!

I placed the marker to the paper and waited. 

Nope, nothing…

Rosalie noticed my struggle and laughed, urging me on. Finally, I ended up drawing some form of retarded, Martian cow, but I did draw something.

The chaos continued for a little while longer before Rosalie suddenly looked up, her eyes wide.

“I have to pee!”

I looked over at her, and wanted to laugh until the urgency became clear. …And then I laughed.

“Avery, seriously!” She shook Cora’s seat, “We need to stop!”

Gabby groaned, looking in front of her at the number of cars weaving in and out of traffic, “Are you serious?!” She grumbled.

Rose nodded frantically, “I have to pee-eee-eee!”

I howled with laughter, and Cora jumped in also, slapping her leg. Rose’s face was pink with restrained laughs, but kept gripping onto the edge of her seat, “Gabby, we need to get off the high way!” Her voice was pinched with a slight edge of hysteria.

Gabby changed lanes, now sensing the urgency. A few of the cars in the train followed.

“Lennon!” Rosalie suddenly wailed, “I have to pee!”

I was laughing so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants. We pulled sharply off the highway, all of our bodies being tossed around like rag dolls, the laughter flinging around us.

Rosalie screeched, “Seriously! Stop laughing guys, I’m going to pee my pants!”

Tears pooled in my eyes as I tried to collect myself and calm down. Most of the cars had followed us off the exit ramp. We all stumbled out of the car as Rosalie sprinted to the front of the gas station, the little bell dinging pleasantly at her. I leaned against the car, massaging my cheeks and trying to repair the stitches in my sides. I snorted once and then closed my eyes, suddenly tired.

When I opened my eyes, Cora was smiling at me. I smiled back and then tried to nonchalantly look for Braydon’s car. Not finding it, I sighed. Cora patted me on the arm.

“I think they were in front of us,” She was thoughtful, “Don’t worry! We’re all going to the same place,” She shot me a bright smile.

My smile quivered, but I managed to return it.

But, Cora…I love him. I don’t know how to explain it, but I’m worried.

I stretched myself out as Rosalie walked from the gas station, the terror gone from her eyes. I laughed again, and climbed into the car to start back on the long trek.

I teased Rose for another half hour or so before quieting down. In a moment of silence, Gabby half turned around to waggle her hand at us.

“Will you grab me the beef jerky?” She held her hand out.

I wrinkled my nose, “Ew. Disgusting! How can you eat that?”

Rosalie laughed loudly before cracking open the package and waving it around, wafting the smell. I gagged and slapped her on the arm through my laughter. She painstakingly drew a long piece from the package tiny bit by tiny bit before handing it to Gabby.

“Ah!” Cora shrieked in exasperation. She hurriedly rolled down the window, “You guys are so gross!”

I snorted, very soon regretting it and clapped a hand over my nose. “Seriously, guys! Close that bag!”

Gabby grinned evilly as she pulled piece after piece from the bag, making sure to take her time. “Another piece, Rosalie?” She inquired sweetly.

“Yes, please!” Rose grabbed the package, waving it past me before I started wrestling her for the bag. We shrieked and hooted, fighting in the confined space for a good five minutes. Rosalie held the bag triumphantly above her head before squeezing the zip-lock top closed. She gloated next to me as I went back to texting Montana.

He didn’t have much to say because I had just woken him up. How bad I wanted to just pull over and run to Braydon’s car! I decided that wouldn’t be the best idea…and besides, Gabby, Rose, and Cora were a lot of fun! My phone buzzed in my lap as Montana told me just how much he missed too, and how he’d love to be there now so he could see me.

I sighed longingly as the girly chaos swirled around me.

12

School continued at a crawl, and testing left me looking like I’d been drug out and beaten. Though, Montana didn’t seem to notice much. He smiled at me with eyes that bubbled with admiration.

We spent almost every day together, my theory of not getting attached hardly working. I was thankful to have him. At least now he wasn’t so afraid to kiss me. Yes, we would even do homework! Well…I’d do homework. Montana would mostly doodle, or end up distracting me, often ending in my papers strewn across the bed, tangled in us both.

The days went by slowly, but the evenings seemed to fly by. I dreaded having to take Montana home. Mostly because I knew that I had to speed home…I’d always stay too late.

My mom poked her head through the door, freeing me from Montana’s tickle-rage, “Sorry, Montana, time to go home.”

She left and my mouth sank down into a frown. Montana smiled at me, playing with my cheeks. I couldn’t help but smile as I slid off my bed and waited for him to give me a hug. He wrapped his arms around me and smiled down at me, his shaggy hair sticking in every direction because it was plastered with chlorine. I reached up on my tippy toes and kissed him sweetly, once, before he pulled away. Damn his self-restraint!

But we kept on. Sometimes, quite often, I’d catch myself thinking about how much I missed Lilah and Wendy. It was easy when I saw them every single day. When I’d walk to class with Montana, I pretend they didn’t even exist. It was so much easier that way. That way I could pretend I didn’t miss them; I didn’t need them.

I lived for the weekends. I was free to be whoever I wanted to be on the weekends. Unfortunately, the only person I wanted to be was the one that Montana Black could be with. I suppose it wasn’t hard, he told me he liked me for me, and he seemed interested enough. But, I wasn’t going to be so easily persuaded.

Sometimes Montana would see Jacob.

I don’t understand why it was so easy for Jake to forgive him, but not me. Some nights it would keep me awake for hours after I’d said good-bye to Montana. Sometimes it didn’t even make sense to me. I missed him, yes, and I wanted to be with him again, but, only as a friend. Montana was the boy for me, and everyday I was with him, it made more sense.

I suppose it was Montana’s way of sweet-talking everyone. Male or female, I was almost positive he could get anything he wanted if he worked hard enough. He told me he tried to get Jacob to talk to me…but it didn’t seem like either of them were trying very hard.

“Avery?”

I looked up from my shoes. “Oh, what?”

Rosalie cocked her head, giving me a questioning smile, “So, we’re hanging out this weekend?”

I smiled brightly, “Of course! Just, text me or something.” I leaned against the bleachers, waving to Coach Lennon. Montana strolled around the corner, his bag slung over his shoulders. I gave him a shy smile and stood as he took my hand and we made our way to his brother’s car.

We leaned against the sun-warmed car, the heat sinking into our skin. I picked at my nails as Montana stood idly next to me. I liked the silences that fell between Montana and I. There was no real reason to ever fill them. It’s not like either of us were rushed to say anything. We enjoyed each other’s company, and that was enough.

Later that night, after my mom had kicked Montana out, and we sat in his driveway, his hand clasped tight in mine, I felt the depression of night creeping in. It was hard for me now, once my friends were gone, and when Montana wasn’t there, to fight the dark. Sometimes it brought with it bad memories, but other times it made me think of various aspects of Montana. Sometimes his scent, sometimes his touch—oh, that glorious feeling of his skin against my fingertips; his heat warming my body from one single brush of his hand—or even just something he said that kept me laughing.

Though, the dark was hardly ever inviting.

“Avery?”

I peek up through my lashes, trying to smile, my face feeling heavy.

“I…uh…” He stalled, wracking his brain for something, “I…”

I cocked my head and smiled easier this time, “Sort out your thoughts,” I teased.

He grunted and then let go of my hand, the warmth of his palm fading immediately. I frowned as he flipped his head away from me.

“Montana?” I said, touching his arm lightly.

“There was something I wanted to say, but I…err—forgot.” He cleared his throat and pulled on the door handle.

I blushed, feeling slightly rejected, “Will you kiss me goodnight?”

He pulled himself back into the car and gave me a crooked smile. He hesitated for a moment before taking my hand and pulling me closer to him, where he could hug me tightly before brushing his lips softly against mine.

“Will you tell me what you wanted to say?” I murmured, my head spinning.

Montana shook his head, continuing to kiss me ever so slightly, barely even making it seem like a kiss.

“Please?” I clarified, hoping that would help.

He kissed me full on the lips, suddenly forceful, surprising. His hands tangled in my hair and it made me blush, but I quickly pressed my fingertips to his cheek, not sure of how long he would allow this kiss to continue.

Just as I thought, he pulled away too soon and smiled at me with his bright, childish grin. “Goodnight, Avery.”

“Please!” I begged suddenly more curious than I should’ve been.

He opened the door and leaned through the open window, sucking in a big breath, seeming like he was going to give me some bad news.

“The other night when I was texting you…I…” He drummed his fingers against the inside of the door, and when he spoke again, the words came out as a jumbled mess, “When I was texting you, I…uhm, accidentally typed a ‘L-O’ instead of a, of a ‘L-I’, …never mind, you get what I’m trying to say.” Suddenly, he pushed away from the window and walked away without looking back, hurrying into his garage.

I sat for a minute, confuse, my smile turning into one of those awkward, ‘what?’-looks.

Montana sighed and looked down at me, his eyes smoldering. “Avery…” he nearly growled in annoyance, “A…L-O-V…”

My eyes widened abruptly, my mouth falling open despite myself.

Say what? Whoa, hold the phone, mister.

My head was trying to figure out what just happened. Dazed, I let down the emergency brake and shifted into reverse, pulling slowly away from his house. I waited to see his waving back, but he was nowhere to be found. I drove slowly, too disoriented to realize how close curfew was.

Montana do you…are you…what?

I stared through the windshield at the yellow light sliding into red. I came to a stop and my hands slid from the wheel as I tried to make sense of the thoughts in my head.

Montana, I don’t think I love you…I mean, it’s very possible I could, sometime in the future but…we’ve only been dating a few weeks. And…I mean, you were in love with your last girlfriend, Penny. I mean, ya’ll were serious…

The light blinked green and I slowly accelerated, grasping the wheel again. My head was spinning in an odd way, like my whole body was weightless. Despite everything, I found myself laughing. I sang as loud as I could, rolling down the windows and letting the almost-summer air twist my hair into more unruly curls.

I didn’t know if I believed Montana. I mean, I didn’t really know what love was…sure; Jacob had exchanged our fair share of ‘I love you’-s in our day. But…never for one moment had I felt like this.

My whole body was electrified, and no matter how much I tried, my head could never stay on straight. I was passionate, more so than I think I’d ever been before…or possibly ever would be. Something was right, and I knew it.

But…love?

I giggled up my steps and waved dreamily to my mom and dad at the kitchen table, flouncing back to my room. I flopped onto my bed after kicking off my shoes and just lay for a minute. I thought of nothing more than my breathing for a minute.

Suddenly, my phone buzzed in my pocket and I dug it out, grinning like a fool.

“Avery?”

“Hello.”

“Hey.”

I sat for a minute, listening to his voice for a minute.

“So,” He started happily, “The other day, Braydon and I…”

Montana continued happily on his way as I closed my eyes and relaxed further into bed.

Love…